My Gen-Alpha daughters love it when young adults from church come to visit. Young adults are a bridge, connecting many different ages in the church. Kids revere them because of their freedom and style; parents appreciate their fresh takes on life and faith (as well as their babysitting help); ministry leaders see grand potential for serving in the church and participating in international missions. The church thrives with healthy, growing Christian young adults.
Yet that’s not as common as we’d hope. The statistics are alarming: 73 percent of young adults feel alone. We can’t ignore the problem. That’s why in Why We’re Feeling Lonely (and What We Can Do About It), Shelby Abbott, campus minister with Cru, offers both a helpful diagnosis and practical solutions to encourage Gen Z to plug into church.
Many churches have accepted the opportunity to help Gen Z feel less lonely by inviting them into the life of the congregation. Yet those invitations sometimes go unheeded as young people mollify their loneliness with technologies and habits that lead to greater seclusion. Abbott exhorts young adults to break the mold and get involved in the body of Christ.
Lonely Generation
Once loneliness takes root, it can be self-perpetuating. As Abbott notes, “Loneliness is attempting to destroy our ability to connect with God and others in a way that helps us to thrive” (18). That’s probably always been true, but our culture makes loneliness particularly hard for Gen Z to overcome.
Loneliness is a form of suffering. We all want to escape suffering as quickly as possible, so we grab for whatever is quick and comfortable to find a reprieve. For Gen Z, the culture serves up several unhelpful solutions to loneliness: an emphasis on digital identities, widespread pornography use and casual sex, political polarization, and comfort in depression and anxiety. Each alternative deepens the suffering of loneliness over time.
The paradox of our culture is that the things promising connection often isolate us. Someone’s social media posts might imply she has a vivid social life, but she’s strategically posting to feign self-importance. Pornography and casual sex turn individuals into something expendable. Polarization breeds anger, shutting out differing perspectives. Our therapeutic culture’s embrace of depression and anxiety as identities tempts the sufferer to act like no one understands, so he or she sinks deeper into isolation.
All these counterfeits promise to dull the ache of longing for something greater, but they ultimately drive individuals to adopt loneliness as a lifestyle.
The paradox of our culture is that the things promising connection often isolate us.
Abbott engages these counterfeits head-on. For example, he writes, “Your carefully curated digital identity will never appease your desire for genuine connection because that connection can only be met in a relationship with God through his Son” (34). The good news is that the gospel is still powerful, even in a digital culture. That’s why, despite dire statistics about their mental health, we’re seeing signs of a Gen-Z revival.
God’s Solution to Loneliness
As humans made in the image of God, our deepest need is to commune with him. Augustine wrote in the opening prayer of Confessions, “Because you have made us and drawn us to yourself, our heart is unquiet until it rests in you.” The gospel has always been the answer for feelings of alienation from God. Because of Jesus, we can now join the perfect union of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
But the gospel is also the answer to our felt loneliness in the world. The gospel calls us to fellowship with God’s people in the local church. “We can’t function properly as a Christian outside of those relationships with fellow believers,” Abbott observes, “because following Jesus isn’t about only the two of us” (59). Gen-Z Christians need the local church, where they can join other believers for friendship and accountability.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially for a generation affected by COVID-19. As Abbott admits of his own experience, “The hard part is actually pushing through the loneliness and entering into the work God wants me to engage in so I can then experience genuine healing and true connection with him and with others” (124). God will need to change hearts through the gospel to draw this generation of young people out of isolation and into God’s rich community of Christians.
No Easy Applications
Our high-velocity culture expects shortcuts and quick results. There simply are no “life hacks” to fast-track the deep relationships God designed us for. Abbott doesn’t promise easy answers, but he does offer encouragement.
He reminds readers that Jesus didn’t leave us alone in this world. Just before his ascension, Jesus told his disciples, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). We may feel lonely, but a Christian is never really alone. Like all Christians, Gen-Z believers must remember Jesus’s promise to be with us.
The gospel calls us to fellowship with God’s people in the local church.
Abbott also exhorts young people to get involved in other Christians’ lives. This can take the shape of a formal small group organized by the church or approaching two to three other believers to regularly gather for prayer, fellowship, and laughter. We have two young adults in our small group, and the seasoned adults are consistently energized by their perspective and vibrancy, while the young believers benefit from the stability our family life provides.
Most significantly, Abbott coaches his readers to imitate Jesus by looking out for other people before ourselves. He observes, “Putting others first and dying to yourself is the bread and butter of what it means to follow Christ” (131). It may seem obvious, but in a culture that highly values self-care, we have to be reminded to care for others first.
The church has a responsibility to welcome young adults into community life. This book addresses the other side of the equation by encouraging young people not to sit on the sidelines. Why We’re Feeling Lonely can help Gen Z find their place in the local church even as it helps older generations understand what might be holding young adults back.
