I experienced/saw bullying from primary school. At Ughelli, Delta State, two elder brothers of mine protected me. When my father was transferred to Ozoro in 1973, I continued my primary education in Ozoro. I did not really experience bullying. But two classmates of mine did cause me some distress. On one occasion, they wanted to see the size of my penis, but I resisted and ran away.
These boys chased me, pinned me to the ground, took off my shorts and “pant” (undies) and examined my penis before leaving me. What was the madness about? They claimed to be sexually active and believed that it made their penises bigger. They wanted to see mine. I was about nine or 10 years then and had not reached puberty, for Christ’s sake! But as I came to realise later, some of my classmates were much older and it was possible they were actually sexually active.
There was also a student who was an amateur boxer. His grades were poor. One day, the class teacher gave the score sheet of all the students to the class monitor (captain) to read out. The boxer’s score was very low and being made public angered him. He waited until after school had officially closed and the class teacher had left. He pummeled the monitor in a one-way fight. He rejected all entreaties. I guess he got a kick from humiliating the monitor who was quite intelligent. It was like, “you have the intelligence, I have the physical strength.” The beating actually happened after bullying the monitor over time. He always wanted a fight with the monitor, but he avoided a confrontation, knowing he stood no chance.
In secondary school, bullying was rampant in the 70s/early 80s. In one all-girls school, the senior students gathered many junior students together and shaved their pubic hair. Their reason was that the junior students were “carrying shoulders” (disrespectful/arrogant) because they had pubic hair like the senior students.
I had a rough time when I started secondary school. It was my first time out of home and without the protection and care of my parents. One senior student had a morbid hatred for me. As with junior students, I occupied the upper bed of the double bunk. I became withdrawn and avoided him as much as possible because of his intense hatred. One day, I entered the cubicle quietly. He didn’t notice my entry. When he saw me, he asked how I got into the cubicle. I told him through the door. From his utterances, I was a “wizard” who didn’t need the door to enter the cubicle. The bullying was so intense that I made up my mind to leave with my father on his next visit. But when he visited, I didn’t have the courage to tell him. I was homesick and disoriented. Inevitably, I failed and had to repeat class one.
Today’s article is sequel to the recent case of bullying at Igbinedion Education Centre, Benin, Edo State, but I am not going to dwell on it because so much has already been said about it. Knowing the evil of bullying and how it turned my life upside down in my first year in secondary school, I can never accept nor justify it. But it is apparently an informal part of the educational system worldwide. In the US and Europe, many students have committed suicide due to bullying. Though not foolproof, I believe that it’s important to know your child before shipping him/her to the boarding house. The boarding house, especially in early stages is not for every child, especially vulnerable children. Some parents send their children to the boarding house at age 11 to toughen them up or make them learn to be independent. Sometimes it works. At other times, it goes awry. A lot depend on the child and the school environment.
Unfortunately, some schools are more interesting in projecting a false image by papering over cracked walls instead of taking the welfare of students, especially vulnerable students, seriously and putting measures in place to reduce incidents of bullying. Sometimes children of the high and mighty in the society are allowed to “commit murder” and go scot-free. The high fees students pay also makes it difficult for some schools to discipline bullies.
In my time in school, bullies were: one, students who were physically stronger than their peers like the amateur boxer. These students were terrors. They looked for every opportunity to beat and humiliate fellow students. Two, students who had diabolical powers. One student had otiyinshe (slap and fall). If he put on his diabolical ring and slapped a fellow student, he would fall and sometimes jerked as if he had seizures. He would slap the victim lightly again before he regained consciousness. Another student had apharhe (It enabled him to lift opponents like a piece of paper during fights). He was average-sized. In a particular fight his opponent was a much bigger student. The fight took place in the hostel. Before the bigger and stronger student knew it, he was in the air. The smaller student had lifted him like a day-old baby. He held on to the double bunk several times to stop the smaller student from slamming him on the floor.
These guys used their diabolical powers to intimidate fellow students, while some used it for “self-defense.” Some students feared and avoided them. A few students envied them and wished they had such powers. There were rumours of some students who visited native doctors during holidays to get their own powers. One showed me the marks the native doctor made on his temples. That was the time when headbutts were the mode of fighting in Warri. That was the Robinson era (Warri guys would remember). The person with more powerful headbutts flattened or defeated his opponents. Honestly, it was scary for my young mind.
Bullying can be caused by bad parenting. That is why I insist that picking the bills is not enough. Be in your children’s lives. Parents should also ensure that older siblings do not bully the younger siblings at home. Some students learnt bullying from home. Children tend to pay more attention to actions than words. Therefore, parents should be role models. Another reason why bullying is rampant in schools is the increase in cultism in secondary schools. Cultism is actually a vehicle that drives bullying in schools.
I do not believe that bullying can be eliminated in schools, but it can be drastically reduced if the school is intentional. In schools, we have situations of “the more you look, the less you see.” Moreover, there is the unwritten code among students of “see no evil, hear no evil, keep sealed lips.” Power imbalance (physical strength, size, intelligence, etc., of students) will continue to lead to bullying.
One of the dangers of bullying is that the children seldom tell their parents. It takes an observant and diligent parent to notice the signs of bullying. Bullying can destroy children’s lives. Schools have thousands of students with limited number of staff and monitoring. But the parent is dealing with one child. So, parents, let the buck stop at your table because if your child dies, you are the biggest loser.
The post The bullying conundrum in schools, by Francis Ewherido appeared first on Vanguard News.
